You see, this person has given me one of the biggest disappointments in my life... and the greatest happiness. But all the happiness drained out a while ago. Now it's just bitterness. I am bitter. Its true. But more and more of me realizes that this person has way too much of an influence on me, and that needs to stop happening... right now. I don't feel the same way about this person as I did before, but I still care about him. Him. Ugh. Yes, I care, but I think that the person I care about died a long time ago. He is no where near the same person that he used to be. I love that person, but not this new person who I honestly feel pity for. Not in a mean way though, I just feel bad for him because I don't think he has the capability to get where he wants to be. What I found out today just proves it right away. He is a person of constant change. But seriously, who am I to judge?
I don't even know why I'm just rambling about this stuff. If anyone is reading this, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. But that's okay. I feel better now. I'm not crying anymore, so that is a really good thing. I think I'm ready to go back to school. This winter break has been awesome, but I'm ready to dive back into school, and work on growing. I have so much to learn about everything, but mostly about myself. I'm glad I figured that out. I talked to my brother before I wrote all of this and what he's said has helped me. Sometimes I really hate what he has to say, but that's just because I know it's true. And I envy him in a lot of ways because he has accepted a lot of things that I just haven't because I'm not ready to accept them. He's a very intelligent person. Anyways, I hope some of this makes sense, if not, oh well. It doesn't really make sense to me either... not yet, at least.